I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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