I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
