Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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