Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
