So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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