I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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