Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
