I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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