omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
