I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
