fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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