I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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