i just had sex bonerless
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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