I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
