clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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