where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
