i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
