it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
