i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
