I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
