she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
