i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
