i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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