Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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