The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
