Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
