I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
