That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
