I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
