the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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