WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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