the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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