i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
