just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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It's never too late to be topless.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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