So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
