she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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