the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
