mondays should just be called national damage control day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
