Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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