I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
