I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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