Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Acid is not a monday night drug
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
