"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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