I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
