im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So squirting runs in the family.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
