9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
