I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
