I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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