well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
