Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Operation Purity has been aborted
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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