Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
