I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
