He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
