JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
