I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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