I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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