Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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