Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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