I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
