I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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