you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
