dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize