worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
