I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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