I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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